Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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