We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
