Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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