I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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