i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am available for nakedness
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.