Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how do flat chested girls get laid?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
