Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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