Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
