He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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