So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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