you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize