I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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