i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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