Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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