I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
