I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
