Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
