did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
