Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
