singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know, be my cock's hype man.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
