Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
