Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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