I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
