Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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