so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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