Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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