Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
