There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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