I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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