I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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