I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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