i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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