i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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