...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
