i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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