Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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