found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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