So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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