Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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