is your mom at the bar?
Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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