whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
