so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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