That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
