I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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