we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
