I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
