Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
