I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
