Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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