this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
