Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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