I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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