as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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