She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
