ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Randomize
