Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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