My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
