You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
