i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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