her facebook's as public as her vagina
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dear god my vagina.
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