Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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